Early in their marriage, my father served in the
U.S. Air Force and my parents lived on a small miltary salary. They had 4 short military assignments in just 2 and 1/2 years. These assignments were at bases far from their homes and families in Alabama. During one of their stops, my mother got money ($5.00) from my father to get some things for their apartment. She went shopping and got the things she needed. Additionally, she was able to get some decorative things and extras. Needless to say, she was THRILLED! She was happy to have some extra things AND she was proud of herself for having spent her money well. When she told my father about her "great buys", he asked for the change from the money he had given her. Obviously, they had very different ideas about the same $5.00! Somewhere between her hurt feelings and her anger, she responded, "From now on, when you give me money, just consider it spent."
I didn't totally understand the meaning of that story until I was grown, married and dealing with my own husband regarding our finances. Certainly, my circumstances are different but I draw some of the same conclusions in my own financial and budgeting process.
1.
MONEY TO BLOW - Even in the smallest, tightest budget, there needs to be some money set aside to spend for "whatever". My husband and I have always given ourselves a monthly allowance to spend however we wish. It is not counted against any of the categories in our budget and we label it PERSONAL CASH to keep a record of it. It is TOTALLY ours to spend, no questions asked. The idea here is not the amount of money that we give ourselves but the fact that we allow ourselves to have some money that can be under our own control.
2.
NO TURNING BACK - Once money is spent, there is no reason to rehash, revisit or regret the decision to spend it. If we make a bad decision about how or when to spend money, we can change our decisions from that point forward. It does not accomplish anything (except adding stress to our lives) to dwell on something that has already been done. Part of successful budgeting is the ability to adapt to fluctuations in cash flow and make money decisions based on the actual numbers that are in front of you at a given point in time.
3.
MEN AND WOMEN ARE DIFFERENT - Newsflash...Men and women don't think about money in the same way! This is not a surprise to anyone but recognizing this DOES help in those situations where we are thinking differently about the same money!
4.
WE HAVE TO TALK ABOUT MONEY - Even though we are, basically, on the same page where our money is concerned, my husband and I don't like to talk about money. It brings up issues of control and territory and insecurities that we would rather not deal with. Regardless, we have found that we have no choice! Our responsibilities to each other and our children demand that we be the "grown-ups" and talk about it sometimes. Since we have to talk about it, we have resolved that timely, honest communication on that subject is vital to the health of our finances AND the overall health of our relationship.
If you have never done so, I encourage you to think about some of the stories that you have heard your own family members tell regarding money. Are there lessons for your own finances to be learned from those stories? Do yourself a favor...spend some time talking and find out!
