Marrying Money, Part 1
March 27th, 2008 | by rachel |
It’s wedding season. As nuptials draw near, lots of time and attention has been paid to the weddings and all the details that accompany such a significant event. But what about money? Have the brides and grooms-to-be spent time learning how to manage their money as partners? If so, the marriage stands a better chance of making it. If not, these tips will help all couples (newlywed or not) manage money more effectively together.
Understand your own ideas and feelings about money. From the time you started popping spare coins into your “piggy bank”, your opinion about money was formed. You learn most, if not all, money management skills from watching your parents. If they are savers, you learn to save. If they carry debt, you see debt as a viable way to get the things you want. If they see money, or the lack of it, as something negative, you are more likely to see it the same way. Not only does a marriage combine 2 unique personalities, those personalities have very specific ideas, emotions and thoughts about money and the best way to manage it. Without deciding whose perception of money is the “right” one, be sure to understand where your ideas come from.
Too often, money gets all the blame when things go wrong in a relationship. Make a point to talk about money in a positive way with your spouse. Notice the times in your marriage when money is “under control”. If you do, you can remember those positive experiences during the times when money matters are cause for concern.
Make sure there is money to manage. Before saying “I Do”, it is important to know where and when the money will be coming from. Will both of you work? Will one of you work while the other goes to school? Will you both continue to work when children come along? If not, who will stay home. Certainly, the specific details can be worked out later, but you need to discuss these issues so that you are both headed in the same direction.
Don’t allow money to define your relationship. “For richer or for poorer” is part of the traditional wedding vows for a reason! In any marriage, there will days when the balance of the checking account will be too low. There will be times when the grocery money doesn’t go far enough and you haven’t been to a movie in months. Likewise, there will be times when the Christmas bonus is more than you expected and you get an escrow refund you didn’t know you were owed. On those days (and all the ones in between), your relationship is more valuable than whatever possessions you do or don’t have. If you can remember that, the money will take care of itself.
Be realistic. You probably cannot own a vacation home if you struggle to make your car payment. Make sure your expectations are in line with your abilities and income. If they are not, either adjust your expectations or figure out a way to increase your income.
When the checkbook doesn’t balance and the overdraft fees start piling up, it is hard to focus on the real problem. Often, spouses take this opportunity to attack their partner. A better option is to learn to see money as a tool, not a weapon. With it, you have the power to do the things that you and your partner want to do. Without it, your spouse is still your partner, not your enemy.
In some situations, debt is a useful tool. Debt as a lifestyle, however, can be dangerous. Regardless of how much debt the marriage begins with, spend some time thinking of how much it will cost you over time. When you both decide that debt can be detrimental, you can make faster progress toward financial goals.